And I Thought You Had Left

And I thought you had left.

Left me without a goodbye.

Mhmm. . .  That was fine. I know we

ended a long time back without an official one.

But on that one fine night, when it hit me that I will never see you again,

it left me in a mess.

I didn’t know how to react to it.

We were nothing yet something for me.

Your leaving hit me like a punch on a dark cold night,

which hurt the already writhing,

the already fucked up,

the already drowning me.

I wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear for I didn’t know how to handle it.

I hated that obviously.

In the past few months, I have seen me the

way I don’t wish to.

I was not fine. When I knew you were already gone  and I didn’t get to see you

one last time, how could I be anyway?

I felt this water flowing down my cheeks

As I stared at your text.

I am not supposed to feel this way, they say.

But even when a friend leaves

without a last goodbye, it hurts.

And then you were way more

than just a friend to me.

‘Just one last time’ my lips whispered as I closed my eyes to the restless night.

Guess, God loves me too much.

Now I have a chance to say my Goodbyes, but

I wonder what I would say to you?

Would I ask you to stop?

Or would I not, knowing that the answer would be no of course?

Would I tell you that I already miss you?

Or would I not, knowing we are not the same anymore?

Would I wrap my arms around you?

Or would I wait for you to trap me in yours like always?

Would I cry again as I see you leaving with your luggage,

leaving behind your memories,

our moments, the ‘never-existing’ us,

the baggage?

Would I wish you luck for your future?

Or would I want you to keep the past, me in your future?

Would I want you to tell me that You’ll miss me?

Or would I try to listen to your ‘never meant’ words again?

Would I give you a kiss?

Or would I let you know the same through my eyes?

Tonight’s going to be a long night.

For I don’t know how to let you go without wanting to hold you.

I just know this is my last chance.

Last chance to say my goodbye.


DATED :- 31/07/2017

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