Akanksha http://hopeinadarkworld.com Through the Soul . . . To my Calm Sun, 29 Jul 2018 14:36:32 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 138017067 TOO BRIGHT FOR HER NOW http://hopeinadarkworld.com/too-bright-for-her-now/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/too-bright-for-her-now/#comments Sun, 24 Jun 2018 13:40:57 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4324

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IF ONLY I COULD WALK AWAY http://hopeinadarkworld.com/if-only-i-could-walk-away/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/if-only-i-could-walk-away/#comments Thu, 17 May 2018 14:34:33 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4311
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If only I could walk away. . .

I heard something!

Did you hear?

‘COWARD’,

Oh! It was your conscience mumbling

They say walking away is cowardly

I can not agree any more

Hold on

Stay strong

Don’t run away

Don’t hide

Coz even if you do

It wouldn’t matter.

Yes, it would be gone. . .

Maybe for a few days

Or weeks

Maybe a few months

Or even years. . .

But it will come back

And when it does, it’ll be at its best.

So baby,

Don’t walk away.

But,

I am not walking away from just things

You need to understand it isn’t just the pain.

Walking away isn’t always running from one’s problems,

it isn’t always hiding from the demons who

stand with their arms wrapped around your dreams.

Sometimes it’s walking away from the life that suffocates you,

The life that is killing your dreams, your thoughts

and slowly and slowly sucking up all the breath that is left in you.

Sometimes, it is walking away from the life that has no meaning,

The life that is not ‘living’.

It is walking towards the light,

towards Hope,

towards the freedom that your soul salivates for.

Sometimes it is not a want to walk away

it is our need, our desperation to breathe.

 

 

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The Woman I Love http://hopeinadarkworld.com/the-woman-i-love/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/the-woman-i-love/#comments Sat, 14 Apr 2018 17:03:27 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4291
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Dear Mother

She’s beautiful

A little dark complexion

With beautifully highlighted features

Her arms exposing the stories of her life,

And oh her words, the way they make me smile.

She’s everything you said my life partner should be

Mother, She’s everything I need.

Dear mother,

I am scared

I do not really know how you would feel

Or react perhaps, when the love of my life would you meet.

But didn’t you always tell me that she’s a safe place?
When at the age of 12 you

taught me the difference between a male and a female.

When a ‘girl’ friend meant ‘perfect’

And a ‘guy’ friend meant ‘slut’

Then why today when I am in love with a girl,

Am I looked down upon?

Why is it not okay?

When at the age of 20, it was suddenly okay to bring women inside my bedroom

But not men. . .

Then why when today I want to bring her home,

Is it not okay?

When in 7th standard I walked my way back from school to home,

Were you not the one who said ‘Baby, befriend

girls and do not let any guy travel the distance with you’

Then why when today I want to walk

the aisle of my life with her,

Is it not okay????

You are deemed ‘the perfect girl’ your entire life

for you did exactly what they said.

What’s that? You may ask

Well, for starters you had around You more of females

And less of these men they called ‘beast’

Main course had se dishes with extra flowing repellant behavior towards male friends

And the delicious desert offered you the opportunity to finally be semi-naked inside your bedroom with your girl-friends,

Then why today when you want that one girl around for the rest of your life,

Is it not okay?

When sharing the same lady’s room is the rule,

When listening to ‘Hey I like your bra’ is the ultimate goal

Then why today when my body aches to touch her, to love her

Is it a sin?

Why is it not Okay?

Dear society,

Love is boundless

Love is the purest form of life

Then why my love is not loving?

Why I have limits, laws claiming me

Holding me in shackles

Why the same girl everyone loved,

The same girl termed pure

Is now a disgrace. . .

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DEAR BROTHER http://hopeinadarkworld.com/dear-brother/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/dear-brother/#comments Sat, 17 Mar 2018 14:38:45 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4275

Dear Brother,
I write this for you with utmost love and respect in my heart. Do not laugh if I say you are a father to me. You are the only man allowed to treat me like a child and call me ‘bacha’. You’re special, way more than any guy who has walked into my life or will walk into my life tomorrow.

When I’m low, I know I can text you “Bhai, I am not okay” anytime even when I don’t really tell you the situation. But the mere idea of you being there, makes me feel happy.

Thank you for being my punching bag. That surely has made me feel I’m stronger than I was yesterday. Oh! And that I am strong enough to fight anyone. The best was being one of the only two girls in the group. When you’d tell us both to eat first but it would only end up us both feeding bites to all of you one by one.
That was love ❤ 


The last time I cried my heart out, you had me in your safe embrace.
Your presence taught me to be comfortable & not guilty of my choices, to experience everything in life.


But do not think that I don’t know you. I know you are strong, I know you are mature. You talk about the practical things and life,  like you’ve figured it all out. Yes, you have. But just know we know you.
You’re not just body and muscles, you are heart and soul too. You are love and strength of your loved ones. We got you. I got you.
When you’re lost in thoughts (not the fake candid ones 😜😂), I know you’re pondering about making a living, making a better present for yourself and your loved ones, you’re trying to figure things out in your head. But you don’t show it. We get it. You’re too mature to bother us all with your thoughts. I don’t care if you say this is not the truth. I just know you love us all. 


Dear Brother now comes the most important part. Tattoo this if you have to 😑😑😑 You are not allowed to replace me. You might have more sisters but I got only you. If you do, just remember you have taught me to punch pretty hard and I would know when you’ve had a leg day 😈
Yours Little Monster😈 🐾❤

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MOLESTATION CASE KAR DUNGI! http://hopeinadarkworld.com/molestation-case-kar-dungi/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/molestation-case-kar-dungi/#comments Sat, 03 Mar 2018 13:57:52 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4264

There are so many things that trigger you. This was one such thing which triggered me this Holi.
We might take it on a light note, saying it’s just a joke. But I am tired of reading this post on almost every fkn page on social media.
“Tumne esa kia toh me molestation ka case krdugi”(If you’ll do this, I’ll fire a molestation case against you) I won’t. I’ll make sure to break your bones the very moment you tried this on me, the very moment you, the one who’s my friend, the one who’s my college mate, the one who’s my neighbour, the one who I just encountered walking out of my college wishing me ‘Happy Holi’ and decently putting gulal on my cheeks, yes I will break your bones.
Coz that’s what we girls do? Don’t we.
Just like every individual is different, just like NOT ALL MEN ARE RAPIST, not all women take your good intentions for bad.
But tell me, oh! Wait. . . Teach me please how to behave when a guy with ‘not so good intention’ holds me at wrong places in the name of ‘Holi’. Teach me how am I supposed to know the difference between a molester and a friend?
I have already learned from my past, I have learned from my experiences, I have learned from the society( words surely seem right now since the society is never wrong)
We have two eyes, we have 5 senses we have a brain, I am sure god has given them for a reason. Then kindly let me use them to decide the difference between these two. My final decision if against you will surely give you a chance to prove yourself innocent, but if against the truth, might just not give me a chance to save myself from being raped off of my being.
I am sorry to all the men. I am sorry that growing up I started doubting each one of you. I am sorry that due to some men, you all have to go through this ‘analyzing process’ where we tag you into two different categories, ‘safe’ and ‘not safe’.
But tell me do you know how many girls grow old enough every year to not go out and play Holi? No, you don’t. Because men are never told to stay home to be safe from the eyes of the predators.
Remember how as a child you wanted to touch fire? To know what harm it might cause you that your mother tells you to be safe from? I am sure we all had once in our lives done that, tried to see what harm does it cause. Only then do we learn we are not meant to touch it, don’t we?
So, if I have learned that’s it’s not safe, only then do I try to protect myself not taking any risks.
I am sorry to all men that life has made me look at you with doubt. But the least you can do is help me ‘GET OUT OF MY FEAR’, my fear of trusting the wrong men, of not acting upon my ‘intuitions’, but most of all the fear of doubting the innocent, of hurting the innocent.

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Hiding From The Devil http://hopeinadarkworld.com/hiding-from-the-devil/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/hiding-from-the-devil/#comments Mon, 26 Feb 2018 17:16:34 +0000 https://akanksha2hope.wordpress.com/?p=4097

I stand here amongst you all,

With the happy faces and the laughing souls

Moments of euphoria and I’m now lost

In the world full of colors, called thoughts.

I have been here before,

It had been the same faces and the same abode,

Oh! It was the so damn same me back then for sure,

With my heart filled with fear and hope.

I look for you in these empty hours,

Questions about you from these innocent souls,

A smile on my face as I remember the bygone,

You had held me in your arms in these laughter filled halls.

You see I have these moments, I can feel you close,

I look around covertly, not looking for you but the shadow,

I hide amongst these kids, peeking secretly at your form,

I close my eyes, you won’t see me now. . . Oh God! Let me be a ghost.

Let me not be found,

Let him not look at me with that pity filled look,

You look down at me, with the least concern,

You hold my hand, a piece of your work, showing me off.

It had been the same place,

it had been the same people,

It had been the same us,

The same case but back then you were my consort.

 

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WHAT AM I THEN? http://hopeinadarkworld.com/what-am-i-then/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/what-am-i-then/#comments Sat, 17 Feb 2018 16:15:46 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4236
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A body well taken cared of,

A heart, cold and desolate

A mind with wrangling thoughts,

A soul dying in despair.

Shoulders low tonight, lips mumbling,

‘I create problems for everyone,

No one is happy with me’,

A silent tear escaping his eyes, not mine to keep.

My heart demanding to embrace him,

My arms afraid to break the ‘conscious’ spell,

My words, hidden in the abyss of my musing,

A strange low voice combating his self-knit facts.

“What am I then?” said the Broken optimism,

seeking warmth and secret homage,

Quantifying the depth of the anchored emotions,

The soft corners for him were yet to fade.

The ‘Who’ had been replaced with the ‘What’ unnoticed,

The worth of life, not known to the blind self

I, silently rooted to my closed world

Your presence in my mind, Couldn’t say it back then,

‘You are good,

I don’t care even if you’re not,

You laugh at rare things,

Just the way you cry at them too

You attach yourself to none.

You care for a few teary eyes filled with pain,

You got that swelled up nerve on your forehead,

The frown lines showing the glimpse of all the stress.

You are like every other adrift being,

Who is too tired to look for a meaning,

Who is becoming the negative ideas of his essence

The one who is yet to find the peace.

You, my beautiful being, are a life,

A life, only you are born to live.

 

 

 

 

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Real Women Do Not Get Raped http://hopeinadarkworld.com/real-women-do-not-get-raped/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/real-women-do-not-get-raped/#comments Fri, 02 Feb 2018 17:55:57 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/real-woman-do-not-get-raped/

‘Real Men Don’t Rape’

I am tired of reading and listening these certain words. I mean what does it mean? If we believe in these words then probably these wordings would be correct too ‘Real Women Do Not Get Raped’. Am i right?

If my getting raped labels me to be filthy and unfit for being a woman, then I am fine with it. It’s my body, it’s my life, it’s my choices and it’s entirely my pain. Rape doesn’t change my vagina into a penis. So why am I not fit for being a woman?

It wasn’t my mistake when my home, my supposed to be safe place is the one where I was robbed off my being. Isn’t it your mistake, the ones who taught me the difference between right and wrong, the difference between a salwaar kameez and shorts, to never have told me that being Home doesn’t mean I am safe, that the ones I believed would protect me are the ones who could kill me too.

You know what I believe?

‘Men Don’t Rape Woman’ these days. The little innocent souls are their new favourites. Am I too rude? Pardon me if I am.

I was born and brought up in a society which taught me my limits before they taught me to dream and achieve, a society which built this image of me before they even let me breathe.

I am a woman. . .

A tired woman of this hungry, ashen heart society. I am tired of being the object of your imagination. Please forgive me, I am just a tiny peculiar piece of body. You the lord, shouldn’t bother to give a second glance or a thought of me.

If my being a woman sends an erotic shiver down your body, then I wouldn’t grow up to become one. But, I would still without doubt become the flesh you would be served for your hunger seems to be blind to my age. For the younger I am, the smaller my vagina and more your pleasure. Isn’t it? It all sums up to your pleasure.

I am an 8 months old girl. I am your sister. I am waiting to tie Rakhi on your wrist for you are the one who would protect me.

Curtain falls. . .  Lights switched on. . .

You are the one who Raped me.

Why?

I have no breast that I am showing off a little to much. I do not go out at nights so I am not labelling myself as available. I am not drinking out with male guys so I am not a whore.

Then why?

Enough! I am tired. I’ll just let it be now.

I would no more be careful of what I wear or of the timings, or of giving a wrong idea to you by hanging out with my fellow male friends.

For if they want to rape me, they would rape me in a salwaar kameez, in broad day light, inside my home. So if I am going to be raped anyway, then why live such a suffocating life. . .

#_Let_it_be #_raw

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THE END IS THE BEGINNING TOO http://hopeinadarkworld.com/the-end-is-the-beginning-too/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/the-end-is-the-beginning-too/#comments Sun, 14 Jan 2018 09:20:52 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4210
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You walk down the path,

Trying to get to a particular point,

Which in your mind or whatsoever,

Is the place for you that is destined.

An ‘only yours’ journey,

And a life with obstacles at your prime,

Wrestling with the harsh world,

With failed attempts to truly be fine.

One. . .

Two . . .

Three. . .

Thirty-six. . .

A hundred and seven. . .

You took the strikes of the sharp knife,

Famously called struggle or a second name to life,

And then one day it hit you,

It hit you hard killing you to demise,

Taking away with it, everything,

Everything in you that wanted to breathe and survive.

You have now reached a dead end,

Laying ashen-faced in the dark ravine.

Staring calmly at the wall in front of you,

With no path ahead for you to stride.

One day passes, then two, then three,

A month goes by and you haven’t smiled,

Out of the blue one day, you blink,

You get up and out of the coma, you are alive.

You walk ahead and the wall hits you,

The dead-end standing strongly holding its poise,

You smile, you turn around,

You walk back the path you had hiked.

For if the path ends,

If your journey brings you to a dead end,

There’s nothing to worry,

The end can always be used as a beginning too.

 

 

 

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THE DOOR WASN’T LOCKED http://hopeinadarkworld.com/the-door-wasnt-locked/ http://hopeinadarkworld.com/the-door-wasnt-locked/#comments Fri, 12 Jan 2018 14:36:31 +0000 http://hopeinadarkworld.com/?p=4200
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I knew he was there,

Somewhere in the dark waiting for me,

With its intention to slaughter me inch by inch,

To unlock the door I had so cautiously sealed.

I, with these locked doors

Layed silently yet not peacefully

My heart thumping inside of me

Alerting me to all the menace and possibilities.

The night came, finally

Giving it the fair chance, it so eagerly fancied,

The door was unlocked,

I, unaware of my amnesia,

Layed unguardedly to the fiend.

Morning came and so did hit the realization,

The fear of the What If’s

After all, I was not yet savored  like dead meat,

What if He had tried opening the unlocked door?

The one that last night wasn’t so secure;

What if he had been on the hunt?

Its predating senses giving it everything.

What if he hadn’t yet given up?

Trying and failing every night to reach its prey.

For the door that led to its hunger,

Yes, the one that led to its liberation wasn’t locked.

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